if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
