Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
