Dude my mom stole all your condoms
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
