My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
two words...techno handjob
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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