Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
