At least make sure they are 18
Why
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
