I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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