It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You need a sexual gate keeper
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
