Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
