You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
