Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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