ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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