saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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