He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Yo dont text me then not text me
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
