Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
