The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
