the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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