note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
