ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
