does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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