my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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