I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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