i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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