i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
