hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
