Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My vagina just recognized that song.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
