Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
