The panties match.
I'll be right there.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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