I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
