there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize