no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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