Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
