I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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