I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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