he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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