party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
