Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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