roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
