You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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