i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize