I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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