I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize