True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
