we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
