i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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