I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
