I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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