After last night, I could never be a politician.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
