At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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