he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
