I heard we made out
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
