Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
