so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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