Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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