its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
