so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize