Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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