I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Randomize