Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Drunk is not a location!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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