Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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