I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
