yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
you never un-have a 4some
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
