so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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