areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Everyone says I win the strip club
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
