I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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