She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize