DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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