I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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