No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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