I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
