I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
