Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
