Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
