One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
